Draft Hype

Draft Hype
The Tax Man, a couple of Andrews and Patrick O’Sullivan ride the Zamboni

Sup?  I’m John Buccigross and thanks for joining me again on Between Periods

As the RSHL season slowly draws to a close like Momsy sews up the back of a turkey ready to enter the oven, nearly half of the league is looking towards the future.  The rest are about to start a journey that will lead to wives and girlfriends leaving men all across the continent: the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  But those teams will have their day; the focus on this article is the future of the league and those top five players who will be dawning their first jersey this summer in the 2006 Entry Draft.  Of course there are a few lucky teams that will not only have a chance at the Cup, but should also have a chance at any of these stellar rookies (cough San Jose, Colorado cough).  These franchises are pillars of success.  But enough gloating, as the Black Eyed Peas say on any terrestrial radio station: “let’s get it started.”

Sidney Crosby: The prize of the draft class and, along with Alexander Ovechkin (selected by Winnipeg 1st overall in 2005), some say the prize of the RSHL.  Someone bring that man a sash.  Crosby will be a good one and will make either the San Jose Sharks (who will draft no lower than 2nd overall) or whichever team wins the lottery immediately better.  He is an impact player with vision rivaled only by the most elite players in the league.  His potential is nearly unfathomable and he will turn your average fourth liner not only into a thirty-goal scorer but a millionaire.  Fortunately for young Sidney, his agent will work out a deal with all of his future teammates regarding so-called kickbacks.  I look at them as taxes.  Sidney Crosby: Teenage Phenom, Herbal Essence’s Model and The Tax Man.

Jack Johnson:  The best defenseman available but this kid will be on the shelf for at least another year.  Already committed to playing college hockey for the 2006-2007 season, at the very earliest he will make his appearance in the 2007-2008 RSHL season.  He won’t have an impact until the 2008-2009 season, but the wait should be worth it.  Few folks can put together a dominating season as a freshman at Michigan and come out with an Oscar-nominated album.  Dennis Rodman did something similar.  Barry Bonds has been working on it, but just can’t seem to summon the strength.  Hell, even I couldn’t do it, and I’ve been trying.  I was asked to be the sixth member of the Temptations, but I was too committed to the foosball club.

Andrej Meszaros:  If your team needs an impact player right now, look no further than the young kid from Povazska Bystrica, Slovakia.  He can eat minutes like an obese southerner drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon and can contribute offensively.  Next to Mr. Tax Man, he is the most guaranteed prospect to make an impact immediately out of the draft regardless of the team that selects him.  Given this fact, many scouts around the league feel he is a better selection than Jack Johnson.  They might be right, then again I might have been the second gunman on the grassy knoll.  JB here can see him going as high as two and as low as six.  But I have been wrong about many things; I once told the wife that I turned the coffee maker off.  Yes, I was indeed wrong.  Yes, I purchased a new sofa that next weekend as my back was killing me.

Gilbert Brule:  A spark plug of a centerman, this player should find time to play on the third or fourth.  He will not be an impact player in 2006-2007, but considering the team that might end up selecting him, he will see some time on ice.  This kid goes balls to the wall every night.  And for those of you that think that phrase is sexual in nature, let me say that “balls to the wall” refers to a pilot pushing the throttle (which has a small knob, or a ball, on top) to its highest setting against the wall of the cockpit.  So there.  Get off my case.  Oh, and who doesn’t like the name?  Gilbert Brule.  So smooth and silky, much better than cotton, the fabric of our lives.  Gilbert goes great over penne or even served with turnip. 

Robbie Schremp:  Few names in this draft can make a scout look up from reading his latest issue of The Hockey News or Penthouse (they are one in the same, are they not?) like Schremp.  Called by some as a flavor-of-the-week, this kid has skillz.  That’s with a “z” which is much better than an “s.”  Despite putting together a ridiculous season in the OHL, Schremp seems destined to have to wait for the 2007-2008 season to make his debut.  No worries as the kid will put up power play points that would make Dirty Harry stop and weep like a little school girl.  The kid was on fire for nearly the entire season and has offensive talent coming out of every orifice.  And unlike Gerry McNamara, this Syracuse, New York native won’t “lose his legs” in the big games.  Someone get this man some more cow bell.  Or a pine cone.  Sheesh.

Honorable Mention:
Rostislav Olesz: Another one of those players who will make an impact out of the draft on a weak team.  This young Czech could find himself in the top-five.
Andrew Ladd: A sizeable winger, this kid will need some seasoning but should find himself in the top-ten.
Andrew Alberts: A punishing defenseman who can also skate, a rarity in the hockey world.  Alberts could see his stock skyrocket if a team wants a player slated for play in 2006-2007.
Petr Prucha: A pure goal-scorer, this older prospect could help nearly any team in the league.  Look for him in the top-10.
Anze Kopitar: Maybe a surprise to some, but he might be the most gifted offensive talent in the draft behind Crosby.  One caveat, he is on a schedule a-la Jack Johnson.  He won’t be seen until at least 2008 if not later. 

And as expected, a conversation with Patrick O’Sullivan:

John Buccigross: Thanks for joining me Pat
Patrick O’Sullivan: No problem JB, always a pleasure.

O’Sullivan was traded from Winnipeg to Buffalo this past season

JB: How did your trade effect you?
PO: It didn’t effect me all that much.  The Jets drafted me, but I never played for the team and didn’t have much of a connection.  Would have enjoyed playing with Ovechkin, though.  I was told of the trade and I think my exact response was: ‘Meh.’

Ovechkin studied at the Military Institute for Boarder Guards, making the compulsory Russian military obligation unnecessary.

JB: What are you most looking forward to next season?
PO:  I’m hoping to get a call up to the Sabres.  There are some awesome players there and they have a young team, so I’m worried I might play in the minors all year.  No problem, my time will come.

The Sabres are battling it out for the top spot in the PoW conference.

JB: Word association time.   Sarah Mclachlan.
PO: Spectacular artist. 

Sarah has sold more than 22 million records worldwide.

JB: Joffrey Lupul
PO: Goal scorer.  Big gamer.

The two players were traded for one another with the addition of a draft pick.

JB: John Buccigross
PO: Greasy

To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of  Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

That’s all folks, until next time, keep yer stick on the ice.